Pink Garden

Monday, June 14, 2010

I guess I should start blogging again… because I still find that this is the best way for me to voice out my happiness/unhappiness…

I have a lot of doubts… I do know that ppl do change… for the better, for the worse… somehow, I feel that he changed too… but one thing he probably nv change, is his love for me…

Maybe when 2 people get together, after sometime… everything that was once… “OK OK, yes dear” becomes “No, dun wan… see how… dun feel like doing this”. I’m getting more and more worried… and sometimes I dun even dare to mention it.., because I am not sure if he really, does MIND…

Like going for dinner…
Last time: Let’s go for dinner with my parents? He will say “OK, I dun mind”
Now: Let’s go for dinner with my parents? He will say “See how first”
Even picking them up and running errands seem very troublesome… Sigh… I think its really good to just depend on myself… Afterall, its my family…

Suddenly, I feel very depressed recently… Are these signs of depression?

I feel that I really contribute very little to my family. I only gave them $100-$150 per month, and used up the bulk of my pay for facial, manicure, pedicure, restaurants, shopping… even thou my pay has increased, I still feel that I am short of $$... Sometimes, I feel like bringing them out for dinner but I have to worry if dear minds…

Been worried about Mummy’s health… she quit her job coz she feels giddy, weak, hungry… probably due to gastric prob… excess stomach acid… asked her to see specialist, but she kept on visiting the TCM… and medicine dun seem ti work… whenever someone says where n where, which doc is gd, she will go… took her 2 months plus to agreed to see the western doc… and then another 2 mths to see the specialist (got to queue)… doc recommend to do a scope but she rejected. So doc gave her the medicine to try out and if still no signs of recovery, then go for the scope… after few days, she complained that the doc is not good. Medicine is not working. Suggest to go for a scope, but she dun wan to go back to CGH… I find out more from Joslyn who is working in Raffles Hospital, and when Joslyn wanna helped her to make appointment, she say wait… then she continue to visit the TCM… now… I really duno what she wants now… I feel very tired, having to juggle work, r/s, and family…

Even the Penang trip that I am looking forward to, I have not done any research… and have not even booked the hotels… damn exhausted and depressed…

There are lots of things that I wanna do, but right now, I just go home after work, play game or watch show, and sleep… I used to be very smart (as in not clever), but I just do whatever I feel like doing, go wherever I wan to go… but right now, there are a lot of things that I must consider… family, dear, work, money…

Lots of uncertainties… but I’m trying not to think abt everything… I just want to rest and sleep…

- Feed her Sugar....# ;