argh... my hp's spoilt... coz i dl theme & tink its corrupted... sickening... at this pt of time & its still down... gg to send it for svc tml... irritating... im using mummy's phone now... realli dun like samsung...

juz came back from lawrence's hse... cancelled tonite's tuition coz he needs me for his maths... duno of he's the one having exams coz im more worried than him... omg... wat is this lor... but he's realli bad at maths... & not serious... everyday tinking of playing...

i tink he has a lot of things tat he's keeping from me... i saw some sms on his hp but when i asked him abt it, he juz deny it & brush it off... hai~... why is it like tat??? i juz wanna hear the truth...

becoz of him, i have to shift my tuition to tml... & may affect the timing to meet jun & peiwen tml... need to do lots of things... meet jinli, yanli & juan for lunch at buona vista, collect my visa, send my hp for svc, bank in $$ for mummy, tuition at nite, & meet jun & peiwen... im scared by the time i meet them, its gonna be very late le...

meet joreen, hwee ying & jun for lunch at bugis... went sakae buffet... & we did our fav thingy... best!!! jun realli nv let us down... lol... i left early coz gg to lawrence's hse... forgot to ask him to send me to zacc's hse to collect my vcd... seriously speaking, i duno how to take it back from him...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

things to do this wk:

mon: shopping with mummy to get her diamond from SK
tue: take vacination, collect chq & make payment for accomodation (noon), dinner with si guan, tracy, davis, sharon & alvina
wed: dinner with jin wei, meizhen, juan & thom. meeting lawrence after tat... maybe gg esplanade to walk ard...
thu: meet joreen, hwee ying & jun for lunch at 1pm at bugis. tuition at 7.30pm
fri: free at the moment... gg to meet jinli & the rest for lunch at buona vista. maybe gg to change currency
sat: meet Lawrence after ndp. gg to spend some time alone with him.
sun: breakfast- dim sum at red star with my family & lawrence, change currency if i nv go on fri. gg hm to pack luggage. Hong's b'day cel.
Mon: meet tang for lunch. do my last min packing... & juan may wanna stay over.

tinking of squeezing in one ktv session... but haven decide when...

i've been opening up my organizer & tinking of days to meet who & so on... argh... i realli dun have much time to spend with lawrence... realli feel quite bad abt it... tat im gg to leave him here when we're not even tog for one mth... I've nv imagine tat i will have a long distance r/s... I nv believe tat long distance r/s will last... but look at tang... typical gd example... anyway im onli gg for 6 mths... can we can always call each other... & chat msn... the most impt thing is to have trust but do i trust him... sometimes his words are realli unbelievable... & i've been peeping into his hp... which is wat i dun like to do... so does this means tat i dun trust him at all??? but wats wrong with peeping if he has nth to hide??? anyway i juz hope tat i can spend more time with him...

im planning to bring him to breakfast with my family coz i wan my parents to noe him... & he can visit my mum when he's free... thou' chances not very high la... but still i dun wish to onli intro him to my family on the day i fly at the airport... its kinda be quite tense... but i tink the atmosphere at the airport will be tense enuff liao... at least they can talk to each other more when im hanging ard with my frenz...

receive an sms from chin heng yesterday... so sweet of him to sms me... but he wont be sending me off coz he dun like the feeling of sending ppl off... i can understand... i'll take gd care of myself... thanks so much.. muz blog more often to keep me updated k? will blog more often when im there... but im tinking of changing the add so tat lawrence can see also... will do tat if i have time... most prob when i reach shanghai... i dun dare to tell him abt this blog coz of certain issues tat i dun wish to let him noe...

I've been wanting to have some time for myself... i rmb i used to go esplanade when I'm feeling moody... & i tink im feeling moody these few days... maybe mummy also... so we keep raising our voices... sorry mummy... juz feel like spending one afternoon drinking coffee & reading a book... i dun why i like esplanade... but i juz like lor... i've been very busy... with frenz... & family... & lawrence tat i dun have time by myself except slping time... been stressed up with zacc's issue tat i have to multitask & chat with a lot of ppl in one nite... thanks for all the advices from juan, yanli, jinli, jun, dennis etc... I admit im realli very undecisive when it comes to r/s... but im glad its all over... he stopped calling but my vcd is still with him... how m i gg to get it back???

i realise tat im super naggy nowadays... & i keep nagging at lawrence... tink he has to bear with me for these few days coz I'm realli at a lost... I have so many things to say... not onli to him, but my parents, esp mummy, & my beloved ones... u noe who u r... its like my last words... thou' its juz 6 mths but i juz feel like im gg forever... argh... will try to stay calm... but stop crying... i actualli cried last nite while chatting with lawrence... but i cried coz of mummy... omg... i didnt noe im such a mummy's gal... but i noe tat she loves me a lot... & i love her a lot too... its not easy being my mum... coz she has to tolerate a lot of my nonsence... & have to get worried for me... until sometimes late at nite, she cant slp well coz she's so worried abt my stuffs... esp my r/s... maybe sometimes i told her too much but i told her so tat she'll noe wat im doing & who m seeing... but as a mum, i noe she cares a lot...

i admit tat i haven been a good gal... im always rebellious & do things against her wishes... all she wans is for me grow up, grad, find a stable job & marry a gd husband... i guess all mum's wishes are the same... but time & again, i broke her heart by getting into troubles... & issues tat I only have myself to blame to... i trust ppl too easily & each time i get hurt, the one tat feels very painful is her... sorry mummy... im glad i have such a gd mummy... i dun tink i'll ever be a gd mummy... sometimes, come to tink of tat, wat will happen if i have a daughter in the future... will she take over me??? or even be worse off than me??? will i actualli slap her if she did all these things... my mum has nv cane me b4...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

had a gd time today... its been quite some time since i last shopped with mummy... went to bugis to have lunch... & we realli shopped... wanted to buy pants & blouse... realise tat i realli only look gd in black... even the pink stripes one from G2000 tat Ive been targeting for quite sometime dun look gd on me... eeks... tried a lot of boutiques... wanko is actualli having 50% storewide, so i tried some from there... but the cut realli looks damn awful... makes me look fat & short... i was even tinking if i shd buy pants... coz realli not nice after trying so many... but in the end, i found one from G2000... i guess G2000 is realli meant for office wear... coz the cutting is the best... but muz buy 2 for $59... so i bought one for myself & one for mummy... coz she says its nice too... & i dun wanna get 2 for the same design la...

i realise i realli dun have time to spend with mummy... all mummies cant bear their daughters to leave them... same to my mum... she didnt say but i can feel it... went temple to pray also... coz she wans me to be safe & sound in shanghai... realli tink i shd spend more time with her... maybe i'll stay at hm on sat... & have to pack my stuffs... i tink i'll miss her the most when im there... no one to wash my clothes, cook for me, sweep floor, mop floor etc... not tat she's my maid la... but i tink i'll miss her naggings... she better call me 3 times a wk...

accompany her to buy diamond ring... coz i had a $60 SK jewellery voucher... so i suggested buying ring or earrings... since daddy has onli buy her a pair of diamond earrings long long time ago... & tats her once & onli diamond... aiyoz... my daddy is sooooooo stingy... now diamonds are so cheap... everywhere is sales... we bought one 0.08 carat one... saw the 1 carat one... so big leh.. rotating in front of me...

& we walked from bugis to suntect to find my blouse... & i finalli got one black one with white & grey stripes... yeah... bought one t-shirt for lawrence coz he keeps complaining tat i nv buy constructive things for him... but i realli like it once i saw it...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

haven seen french toast this thick... & i've nv eaten french toast tat is this yummy... with nice syrup... but fattening!!! sinful!!! 

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

had chalet with lawrence on sat... his fren booked a rm at downtown east, with his gf & invited his buddies over... & all of them brought gfs along except one... & lawrence bought seafood... wow... sotong, big prawns, stingray, crayfish... yummy... & he's a gd cook... so he's gg to cook for me next time... love sotongs... my fav!!! im sure juan will rmb for life how she used to eat sotong with me at seoul garden... haha... but im not as blur as sotong k...

got to noe some of his frenz... got 2 juz grad from NTU MPE but they duno who is dennis... didnt noe he have NTU frenz... i feel bad tat i juz assume tat all his frenz are the same as him... but surprisingly no... most are diplomas holders... & i hope tat he'll be one too... 5 yrs more coz he's taking part time dip... thou' i always say educational level is not a prob to me, but its always better to have one than nv... anyway his frenz are much better than wat i expected them to be la... except for one very jialat one...

he can realli slp... & he snores damn loud... lucky thing is all his frenz can slp... but poor me la... cant do anything much except playing hp game... & i recorded down his snores... omg... his frenz all call him monster... like dinosaur from jurassic park... & they realli wonder how i slp until i told them tat i nv even slp... but the funniest thing is the moment he slp & started snoring, everyone woke up... see his power??? he is tat powerful... luckily i didnt go & watch soccer with them... i slpt very soundly while he was away... so i did slp for abt 2 hrs... haha... im realli tired, didnt slp at all the previous nite...

found a cure for sweaty palms... ever wonder why some ppl have sweaty palms??? Lawrence has it... so im pretty determined to find a cure... coz his palms are always wet... not tat i mind a lot but i still mind a bit... initialli i tot its mine but i realise tat they sweat even when he;s not holding my hand... this is known as Palmar hyperhidrosis. The pathophysiological cause for the excessive sweating is still unknown but the condition is related to over-activity in the so called "sympathetic nervous system," a system of nerves over which we have no control. Emotional stimuli seem to have a stronger effect on the sweat glands in certain individuals. It can be treated by Endoscopic Transthoracic Sympathetomy. This procedure uses an endoscopic (keyhole) technique to interrupt the sympathetic nervous system. But there are side effects, such as compensatory sweating. But I've done a search & I found tat there is a roll-on solution, Driclor, consist of aluminium chloride, which is only temporary. bought it for him from watson... but i doubt he will use it... most prob he'll juz forget to use... muz use every nite b4 slp, & wash away in the morn...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

@ juan's 21st... my sister is finalli 21... legal age to get married liao... 

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

i have soooooo much things tat i wanna do before i fly... eat & eat & eat... im gg to eat jinli's parents prawn noodles at buona vista ... meet joreen for tea... shopping for my stuffs... which i also duno wat they are... play mahjiong with my frenz... meet up with eugene & susan, jinwei & thom, si guan & tracy they all... & i wanna spend more time with lawrence...

juz meet up with corde & jinli last nite... corde drove us ard... its realli very convenient having a car ard... i also wanna drive... poor jinli, fail his driving coz of a stupid lady... im gg to learn too... after i come back from shanghai... so means i muz realli scrimp like a shrimp there... anyway we went siglap to eat cheesecake, & den katong hongkong cafe to eat french toast... the french toast is realli yummy... but kind of over price... but still, there are a lot of ppl there... got soccer to watch too... & corde parked at the residential apartment carpark & a stupid resident scolded her... & warned her nv to park there again... & he even took down corde's carplate no... nth better to do sia...

went mango sale, bought some stuffs... 2 pairs of 3/4 pants, 2 tops, 1 jacket, 1 skirt... spent abt $200... im dead broke le... & jun says sharon's hairstylist recommended the eLINE hair products... & i tink my curls are dying... i need hair products to keep it survive... & the shop is having some discount... buy $100 worth of products & onli need to pay $80... gd buy so i muz buy... haha...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

I've finally settled everything with zacc... i tink im realli very very soft hearted... i actualli talked to so many ppl, & get advise from so many ppl before I noe wat to do... the best words are always the most cruel words to hear... & i noe i have to be nasty this time... I noe he'll be very sad but I have no other choice... in the end, i still wrote him a letter... he read & called me, but i refuse to ans my phone... & he's clever enuff to call my hse phone... but i also cant bear to hear my hp ring & ring... i noe he's still downstairs, under my block... & he'll keep calling until i ans the phone... anyway i still ans the call... he's pretty sad but like wat he say, its just part & parcel of life... i asked him not to send me off... & he's realli upset... even he himself doesnt noe wat he wan... how would i noe wat he wans... this is the best for everyone... we'll both move on on our own... i tink he'll do the same if he's me...

we ate breakfast at changi village den walk to changi beach... changi beach is quite a nice place to relax... anywhere tat has no tall buildings are relaxing... as long as there's a sea... i dun mind sitting there for the whole noon... we didnt tok much... all he asked is, am i realli not gg to bother him anymore??? i duno how to ans... i dun like to hurt his feelings... eventualli i still cried... i tot i wont but i still did... maybe im realli stressed up... when i reach hm, while toking to him, i cried again... but this time, its realli a relieve... tat i realli pass him the letter, & he realli noes wat im toking abt... my msg finalli got thru... its finalli settled i tot... but its not...

its 7.31am now... & i still cant slp... he called & we chatted till 5am... he nv realli tok but i did most of the talking as usual... i tink he's too upset to tok... & he dont realli sound ok... i realli feel bad abt it... & he's gg to hate me for tat... but its ok... even if he accused me of being at fault, so be it... if he's gg to hate me, juz do it... i dun care anymore... all i can say is "i'm sorry"... he noes tat he's at fault too... and he expected this day to come actualli... juz tat he find it hard to take it... i noe im also kinda bad coz i pushed all the blame to him... its like he forced me to do this... & i have no other choice... we did have happy times tog... so i also dun wanna be so "jue2" to ignore him & so on... i still tink abt his feelings & try not to make him more sad... i noe its hard for him but what i've been thru' is definitely not as little as him... i dun dare to tell him abt Lawrence coz im afraid he cant take it... but im realli glad my stand still holds...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

im so angry now... argh... & juan's not here in sg for me to scream & vent my anger... argh!!! qi si wo le...

if someone says he's meeting u & u push away all the appointments juz to have dinner with him, but he go hm & say he's tired & wanna slp... & he's not meeting u anymore... how would u feel??? i bet everyone will be as angry as me... im flamingly mad now... i admit tat i may be kicking up a big fuss over a dinner... but im onli left with 2 wks here... & there are thousand & one ppl tat i need to meet up with before i fly off for 6 mths... i wanna catch up with all my frenz b4 i fly off... but i realli dun have a lot of time... maybe im too stressed out over the trip... a lot of things have yet to be settled... & there's some fear in mi... who can understand how i feel now???

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

today is my sister's (juan) big day... sounds like wedding huh??? but its not... she's turning 21st on 20th... but she's throwing her b'day party today... at aranda country club... looking forward to seeing her... & her new mango retro dress... & her hair... wonder how she'll look... & with her bf ard... its sure her big day!!! i tink it'll be a great one coz many ppl are gg... plus her relatives, 50 plus ppl... cool!!! will get to see everyone again... b'day seems like a gathering for all of us... so this yr we did gather quite a few times... coz everyone's turning 21st... by the way... her shoonie better treat her well... & take gd care of her while im not in sg... dun be late again ah!!!

party at 6pm... but im still waiting for my chauffeur to come... but i tink everyone will be late one... coz its meant to be... & me... always famous for being late one lor... haha... she wont blame me for tat coz she's so used to it liao... im leaving my hse liao... will blog more when i come back on mon...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

yeah... finalli I get to see her again... Hong Xuan's back from Aus... for a few weeks... meet up with her last nite, with juan & shi han... supper at 85... Long time haven had supper at 85... yummy yummy food... ate ba chor mee, satays & stringrays... dun dare to eat a lot coz im realli scared to gain wt... but still cant help but eat a lot... haven ate so much for supper for very long... too bad juan cant eats... hong xuan realli misses sg food... wonder if I'll miss the sg food when im in shanghai... but she told me there's a lot of gd food there... but dun tink there's ba chor mee & hokkien mee, fried quay tiao etc... but i noe there's xiao long bao...

did i realli blush when i was talking abt myself??? I dun tink I did la...

i've come a decision as to wat im gonna do... but how am i gg to do it??? i realli have to tink hard...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

Got this from an email from sharon... i tink its quite accurate... fellow gemini can see if is applies to u...

Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one thing for long periods of time. They have quick-moving minds and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others. They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to negotiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved. When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive. When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll, they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity. It is really against t heir nature to be forced into an average workday schedule and environment. They are happier travelling. lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation. Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to avoid getting into any debates with them - they will surely win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They will need an accepting environment-one that supports their need for multi-tasking.

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

why am i always caught in this kind of situation??? I tink Im realli very bad in handling my personal relationship... I feel tat I have to split myself into two... omg... I hate to be in this kind of situation... argh!!! & the bad thing abt me is I dun like to lie... & I'll feel guilty abt lying... & Im bad at lying...

I've been wondering... if it hurts the other party if I tell him the truth? I've hurt him once, & I dun wish to hurt him again... shd i say? or shd i let him wait? he's especially nice these few days, which makes me feel even more bad... I duno how to reject his calls... & duno how to reject his dinner date... & duno how to reject him when he says he's on leave next wk & has time to accompany me to get my stuffs for china... but i dun feel like getting my stuffs with him... gals are always frickle minded... but who can be as frickle minded as me??? juz one wk & everything's changed... everything's gone... feelings juz faded... & I've stopped calling him... izzit tat I'm also hurt by him, & suddenly realise tat all the gd things are nth but a dream... I dun wish to continue dreaming, thou' he may turn over a new leaf... but I tink I've given him enough chances...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

I tink I juz sit & write whatever I tink I noe... w/o tinking if its correct or not... I juz go ahead & scribble... I dun like this kind of feeling... feel so helpless sitting in the exam hall... this is one of the few times tat I experience this kind of feeling... feel so lousy... & keep scolding myself for not studying hard... but i juz keep having the "open book" mindset tat i can juz go in & copy whatever the textbk has... with some changes i mean... but its realli realli hard... i had the book & the notes with me... but i juz duno where to copy it from... the qns are juz very indirect... omg... i dun wanna retake it again... its a torture to me for this holz to study this mod... & what can i do if its close book??? i tink even if i have the next 24 hrs to do, I'll still sit there & stare... argh...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

This holiday doesnt realli seems like a holiday... coz have to go to sch for accounting class... & finalli, its gonna be over in a few hours time... & i still dun feel like slping... i tink i've been slacking for too long already...

I've made a decision that I wonder if its correct a not... It was a very fast one... but i hope its a correct one... shant say too much until everything's confirm... But I haven felt so happy maybe for the past 6 mths... except my b'day party, which is still my happiest day this yr... I hope that I can continue to stay this way until i fly to shanghai... I dun wan to think abt wat will happen after 6 mths when i return back... but I'm prepared for the worst...

My trip has been more or less confirmed... Im attached to IMDC, which is a dental centre... bascally will be doing research on implant & moulding... quite like the field coz its sth related to my course... hopefully i dun keep getting scolding... but the sad thing is, mine will be diff from jun & hwee ying... but i shd be able to survive... haven cfm the flight yet... but most prob flying on 4 jul... coz have to reach shanghai on 5th jul 7am...

things to do before i fly: to buy clothes, maybe some office wear, thou' i duno if i realli needs them... get my VISA done & contact my insurance agent to get the travel insurance done... gg to finish up my medical check up tml... do some shopping for necessities also... & maybe get a big luggage... mine is real small... i hope i wont be bringing too much stuffs there... but i may lor...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

my accounting paper is thu... and im only half way thru... oh no.... not even half... the other half was read becoz there was a quiz previously... so means from the quiz till now, ui haven really touch anything... duno why im so distracted... thousand & one things to do... and accounting is realli hard lor...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

i notice i haven been blogging for a few days... but i juz dun have the mood to blog... sorry folks... juz came back from gym with juan... feel better now after the work out... realise tat i realli need to exercise... if not im realli growing fat... plus meeting dennis to eat buffet... buffet is not = bu4 fei2 lor... its actualli hen3 fei2 (very fat)... lol... but i still feel like eating sashimi & fresh oysters, & prawns... yummy yummy... cant wait!!!

reason why im still moody is not solely becoz of my r/s... but also the GIP trip... someone called from shanghai... & did a phone interview... but things wasn't very bright... in fact, up to today, i still haven gotten any posting... omg... wat are they doing??? muz take so long to decide one meh? anyway the way he spoke to me is as if i owe him money... bad*** is all i can describe... totalli demoralised after toking to him... & i called hwee ying & jun to vent our angers tog... all of us feel the same way... & his lousy jokes juz dun sound funny to me...

jeremy came to my hse to pass me my b'day pressie... my 6th bag for b'day this yr... but very pretty... one more bag to sch... thanks jer... so nice of him... he even wanted to buy me shoes from charles & keith... i tink shoes are realli on sale now... but i dun see any very pretty ones there... prefer URS ones actualli...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

was having accounting class when everyone were saying tat results are out... can t wait to see my results... but i juz dun wan ppl to check for me... i wanna see the results with my own eyes... had 2As & 6Bs... not very fantastic... but its gd enuff... quite weird tat my lab got A-... unexpected actualli... so actualli i consider myself as onli having one A... tat is polymers & composites... taught by my cousellor... at least i have the face to go & see him... dun have to feel guilty getting him to sign my progress card.. i forgot wats the actual name... is it call PRF??? im glad tat most of my frenz passed everything... & scored quite well...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

meet juan & jinli for shopping yesterday... to shop for juan's b'day pressie... but i seem to be still brooding over tat issue... i noe i need some time to get over it... & i didnt realise tat its written all over my face... my unhappiness... my worries... etc... not so much smile on my face despite the fact tat i've been looking forward to shopping... haven been shopping for very long... even GSS didnt realli interest me this time... maybe coz i've got all i wan from my b'day pressies... handbags, accessories, etc... i realli duno wat else i lack... & im broke... so sorry juan...

had a chat with wei xiong... gotten some advise from him as to what i can do... & i confessed to si guan tat i saboed him... he's kind enuff to forgive me... had some advise from him too... thanks everyone who have given me the advises... juan & jinli... realli appreciate it... I guess im gonna be fine in a few days time... at least 3-5 days... so i may continue to be gloomy these few days... he called me & we chatted like nth had ever happened tat nite... i duno if its a gd thing... but i'm glad tat things btw us didnt worsen... it still remains the same way...

a qn to ponder abt... if u are walking on the streets & u drop ur favourite ring, will u walk back the same route to find it back? i will... even if i noe tat i may not be able to find it back, but i will still walk back... i wont give up until i've totally given up hope... even if i have the slightest chance, i'm still willing to give it a try... coz i will always follow my heart... although i may end up walking a very long journey, & still cant retrieve back... but at least i did try... i juz hope tat he noes wat i realli wan... certain things i guess i dun have to spell out... but if i realli have to give up, i will not hestitate to do so when the time comes... i'm still able to stand up after a fall... no matter how hard the fall is...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

i have so much things to ask him... but my mouth juz cant open... argh... wats strong with me??? wat am i holding back??? and didnt i told myself tat im not gg to pursue tat issue anymore... wat happen to me??? whats the sudden urge to wan to bring it up??? but i tink if i dun speak up tonite, i will nv do tat... he will nv noe how i feel... & all i wan to hear is the truth... not tat wat si guan told me is not the truth... but i wan him to hear it from him directly...

so i still asked in the end... after we stood outside my hse for damn damn long... i finalli speak up... im sorry tat i promise sg tat i wont say... but i did... sorry sg but i tink sg will forgive me... and yes... i did... i did hear it from him... after i hinted & hinted... and he still dun get it... so i have to spell it out... & he admitted... felt so horrible... but he says he hasnt contacted her for very long le... maybe its the truth... but tat doesnt made me feel better either... i simply duno how to face him...

i decided to give him the watch tonite... im afraid tat i may not have the chance to give it to him anymore... i bought it happily but when i gave it to him, i look so sad... as if its the last time im gonna see him... i tink he also duno how to face me... after the talk, we both felt quite awkward...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

juan did this for me??? look like me meh??? i look like bar gal??? omg!!! with my permed hair... hehe... 

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

juz had dinner with si guan & tracy... was supposed to be a very nice dinner... until si guan told me sth tat makes me kinda sad... actualli why am i so worked up??? arent i already used to it??? or juz tat this time i realli put in a lot of effort into this r/s but end result might be back to square one... den who am i to him exactly??? once again, i feel like i've hit hard to the ground... i feel pain... but the pain will soon go off... isnt it always the case???

am i gg to continue to close one eye? pretend tat i duno anything??? or am i gg to confront him... but i noe he dun like confrontation... and who am i in a position to confront him??? i noe tat once i confront him, it'll be the end of our r/s... i can close one eye & pretend tat i duno anything... but is tat wat i realli wan??? he claims tat he's feeling empty... but with me ard & the hectic work, he shd have no excuse to feel empty... maybe im juz not the right one for him... i maybe serious in this r/s but im still not ready to settle down... maybe he's looking for one tat he could settledown for... & im definitely not the one... it hurts to noe the truth... but whatever si guan told me was so ambiguous... of coz i believe more in si guan... & i noe si guan is concerned abt me... i begin to doubt his feelings for me... is everything tat appear in front of me real??? its scary to feel how im feeling now... why am i even still in this r/s??? anyway nice of si guan to tell me this...

had a gd time with them... juz tat im kinda distracted... & davis & sharon couldnt make it... maybe catch up again soon... b4 me & jun left for china... jun & hweeying got their posting already... they'll work tog... in beijing... & me??? i may go shanghai lor... realli hope tat i'll be able to be with them... things have not finalise yet... but im realli scared right now... i dun wan to be the onli one gg shanghai... i will feel very lost... & w/o my loved ones with me... how am i gg to survive??? how come so many things to tink abt tonite... im feeling so stressed now... help!!! & im having gastric now... pain!!! heart pain even more... Im so lost right now!!! wat shd i do? shd i even go China???

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

my hp chains...one of them was from tang long ago when she went taiwan.. its been with me since then... forgotten how many years le... the other was the clover leaf from jason... clover leaf consist of 4 leaves... One leaf is for FAITH... The second for HOPE... The third for LOVE... And the fourth for LUCK! so all combine tog... means i have everything i need to have!!! thanks jason!!! last one was hung last nite... darling gave it to me... he bought it in taiwan too... very pretty!!! playboy rabbit tats the same as my hp theme... & its pink!!! my fav color with the "bling bling"!!! thanks darling... love it lots!!!

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;

cant imagine i did 2 gd deeds today... hehe... actualli one of them may not consider la... but still, its nice to do gd deeds... we shd do tat more often..

let me tok abt the not so gd one 1st... on my way to sch today, in the train, i saw a little gal & her father... the little gal wasnt feeling well, so the woman beside me got up & gave her seat away... but sad to say, the stupid father actualli sat down... maybe coz he has a labtop... so he might wanna put down his labtop... & the poor gal vomitted in front of me... or maybe its lucky tat she nv sit down beside me coz she may vomit on mi... gosh!!! anyway the dumb father still duno how to react... juz sit there & see... omg!!! how can there be such a father??? one guy standing behind him quickly hand him a plastic bag & some gave tissues... & everyone is staring at them... im at a lost too... all i can do is to gave my seat to her so tat she can sit down more comfortably... & vomit more comfy-ly... the gd thing is the father actualli cleaned up all the mess... floor is speck & clean...

so the 2nd good deed is tat i meet zacc to watch Xmen III, & on our way hm, at the highway... there's an overturned bike... & the rider's leg was stucked coz it went under the bike... we couldnt figure out how the bike land in tat position la... we're still tinking even after we reach my hse... & we have a conclusion to it... but tink not so correct... anyway forget abt tat issue... we stopped the bike at the side to help him up... tink its realli pain... coz the bike is on the rider's leg... so zacc lifted the bike up so tat the rider can shift his right leg... & he even lift the whole bike & pushed it to the side & get it started again... (thou' its not working very well la)... very dangerous actualli coz got so many vehicles are passing by us... & none of them stop to help... selfish singaporeans!!! anyway i tink the accident has been quite sometime liao but no one stopped to help... & me??? always got a shock!!! & duno wat to do... i onli noe how to stand at a side... with 2 helmets in my hand... i dun even dare to reach out my hands to help the rider up... coz i scared he'll be in pain... juz in case i touch the wrong area... & the skin of his palms are torn... juz like tat time zacc had the accident... we asked him if he needs to call the ambulance but he say no need... & he even continue to ride the bike... i tink he's in pain la... coz he cant realli stand properly... how to ride the bike? & even forget to on headlights... zacc has to remind him... we shd have asked him how he fall one... but very bad leh... Glad its onli minor injuries... lucky him!!!

i tink im realli lousy... coz i dun even noe how to react... sth very dumb abt myself is tat i even forgot how to get down the bike... all i want to do is to jump off the bike & help him... but i cant jump off like tat... i still have the get down thru the proper way... & if i dun get down, zacc also cant get down...

after this incident... realise tat darling is a kind man... coz so many ppl saw the accident but none of them stopped... but he did... if i were him i might stop too... but wat can a weak little gal like me do? i tink i dun even have the energy to lift up the bike... but KPO ppl like me may stop to take a look... i wont leave the person at lurch... at most i will call ambulane for him... anyway i begin to admire darling more after this incident... thou' he says tat he may not stop by if he hadnt had an accident before... he had been thru' it & its always nice to have ppl ard to help u when u are feeling hopeless... i can see the hope in the rider's eyes when he saw us... realli glad tat we've helped him... but i still tink darling will stop by even if he hadnt met an accident previously...

 - Feed her Sugar....# ;